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Marital Conflict: Managing Your Emotional Brain to Improve Your Marriage

I hear it all the time, "We were good most of the week, something was said and we blew up on each other," or "We ended up not talking for 2-3 days." It's in those moments couples feel like they don't have control of what happens. And they're partly right. Our emotional brain heavily influences our consciousness. The arguing, the...[ read more ]

Disconnection In Marriage: 3 Steps to Reconnect

It’s not uncommon for partners to blame and criticize as a way to help their partner love them better. “What’s wrong with you...?” “Why do you always...” “You never...” Hoping to whip their partner into warmth and good feels, partners use negative tactics in desperate attempts to reconnect. Maybe you don’t blame and criticize. Maybe you withhold affection and emotionally distance yourself....[ read more ]

Mutual Withdrawal: Breaking the Pattern of Silence in Your Relationship

Can you hear it? Listen closely... It’s the loud silence that reverberates around the house when conflict makes its all too familiar appearance. Some couples are explosive — loudly blaming each other. But not you two. You two drift into silence. Mutual Withdrawal Withdrawal is sometimes our response to disappointment and frustration. For some couples, it becomes a matter of pride....[ read more ]

The Impact of Negativity On A Relationship And Working Through It

In distressed relationships, couples tend to fixate on their partner’s negative characteristics. As a result, small things feel dangerous. Neutral interactions feel threatening to the relationship. That’s the power of the negativity effect. Provoked by an argument, your partner being late, going over budget, or forgetting to schedule an appointment, it brings into focus all the ways your partner falls short. It’s hard to see beyond the...[ read more ]

How To Cripple Your Marriage With Bad Communication: Stonewalling (Part 4)

Stonewalling is a way to avoid conflict. It’s an avoidance strategy that creates an emotional wall between you and your partner. This is part four of a four-part series — Four communication styles that will cripple your marriage. John Gottman predicts in his research that stonewalling is a communication style that predicts divorce, if left unaddressed. He calls the four...[ read more ]

How To Cripple Your Marriage With Bad Communication: Defensiveness (Part 3)

Listening without being defensive is a fierce challenge. But if you can get better at it, your marriage can get better because of your effort. This is part three of a four-part series — Four communication styles that will cripple your marriage. If left unaddressed, John Gottman suggests defensiveness is one of the four communication styles that determines if a...[ read more ]

How To Cripple Your Marriage With Bad Communication: Contempt (Part 2)

A marriage improves over time as partners learn better ways to communicate. John Gottman, in his research, discovered patterns of communicating that he used to predict which marriages will succeed, and which will fail. This is part two of a four-part series — Four communication styles that will cripple your marriage. His research emphasizes four communication styles — The Four Horsemen of...[ read more ]

How To Cripple Your Marriage With Bad Communication: Criticism (Part 1)

Healthy communication in marriage is a skill. You learn to talk freely. You learn how to stay in difficult conversations. You learn to talk in a way that brings your partner close. You learn to reconnect in how you express frustrations. This is part one of a four-part series — Four communication styles that will cripple your marriage. You become better at communicating. Not perfect — better. Basketball players improve their jump...[ read more ]

Why Your Partner is Withdrawing During Conflict In The Relationship

Chronic withdrawal leaves a relationship deprived, and partners lonely. The withdrawn partner feels arguing is not worth the trouble. He or she talks less, finds reasons to leave for work early, and goes to bed later. The relationship grows in distress with each passing day. Let’s talk about it… You’ve come to the conclusion that your partner just doesn’t care....[ read more ]

Saving Your Marriage After An Affair

After an affair, there are no guarantees that your marriage will be restored. However, you improve the chances by showing consistent effort to help your spouse heal. Putting in the necessary work is one of the critically important responsibilities you must undertake to save your marriage. You can start with seeking to understand the depth of your spouse’s hurt. Shame Experiencing shame can...[ read more ]



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